Emotionally
1. Acknowledge that
you know that it hurts when kids make fun of them
because of how they look. Help them build emotional
intelligence by acknowledging how they do feel,
and help them build empathy for others who are different
and also made fun of.
2. Acknowledge that you know that there are kids
who eat worse than they do, and who do not have
the struggle they have with weight. The message
is that you appreciate it may not be fair and that
getting healthy is not easy, and it is not necessarily
their fault, but that they still are responsible
for doing what they can to manage it. Watching a
skinny minny eat cookies and milk shakes and sandwiches
and french fries and never gain a pound is discouraging
as you eat your lettuce, carrots and lean chicken
or tuna.
Food and Diet
3. If the kid is
eating a lot of junk food, see if you can modify
these habits. Junk food stacks the deck against
kids, because the processed white sugar, the processed
white flour and the food additives are DESIGNED
to be addictive and DESIGNED to increase appetite.
Deprivation is not the key, but choosing treat foods
wisely helps. Give them messages like their body
is their temple, they need to treat it well. Offer
metaphors like would they put lard in a sports car.
No, they would put the best fuel in it they could
afford. Bodies are like that.
4. Invite overweight kids to shop with you, and
teach them to read labels. Have them become the
experts, so they have the tools to choose wisely
and or splurge, but understand the meaning of the
splurge.
5. Invite (as opposed to force or punish) overweight
kids to try various foods that might help them eat
less junk. For example, fresh fruits. A burrito
with filling protein like beans, as opposed to totally
empty calories. Nuts as opposed to chips. Baby carrots,
even.
Exercise
6. For most overweight
kids the best way to assist them is to crank up
their metabolism. Exercise is the best way to do
this. Fit kids get bullied less. Fit, strong kids
rarely get bullied. Fit, self confident, strong
kids with an exceptional physical skill never get
bullied. If the kid has rhythm, get them into dance,
t'ai chi, akido. If they have two left feet, have
them try kick boxing or wrestling. If they like
team stuff, soccer is great and there are teams
available for all skills and all genders. If they
are particularly "round" and have lots of soft baby
fat, try swimming. They will float better than any
of their thinner buddies. Weight lifting for boys
can be a win.
7. Martial arts is always a win. It builds discipline,
muscle, aerobic capacity and confidence. Choose
according to the child's capabilities, or try what
their friends or geographic locality has available.
Kids who know martial arts know how to breathe,
they know how to focus, they have strength both
internal and external. They do not get bullied.
8. Health is the best revenge. So use every opportunity
to be active with your child. Walk to the video
store. Walk with them to talk about what is up at
school. Put music on and dance. Have exercise options
in the house, like rebounders, trampolines, swings
for the younger ones, jungle gyms, etc.
Special Programs
9. If your child
is significantly heavy, consider summer camps designed
to do all of the above with lots of other kids struggling
with the same. Not all camps are the same, so check
them out. But an 8 year old who spends 4 weeks being
healthy and active during the summer, loses as little
as 10 pounds and grows 2 inches has a great way
to start back to school in the fall. They are stronger,
leaner, more confident, tan and met tons of new
friends.
10. If your child is significantly heavy, consider
working with a naturopath, homeopath or holistic
nutrition person. Why holistic? Often, children
who struggle with more than a few pounds have other
things going on, that if they are not addressed,
will make this an uphill battle. They may be deficient
in a nutrient. Vitamin C is a common deficiency
with kids who crave sugar for example, potassium
is often lacking in kids who like salt. Kids who
have had lots of antibiotics may not have good intestinal
flora and need acidophilus, bifidus. Kids who seem
to be eating all the time and are always hungry
may have something more severe going on. Sugar addictions,
wheat allergies, pre-diabetes, or even a parasite.
11. If you have an overweight child and have other
children who are not in the same space, having a
family meeting where the entire family decides how
they will help each other address EACH of family
members issues helps. Calling out the fat child's
issues is humiliating, but if the family helps one
child with spelling mastery and another child with
food, it all evens out and engenders family (team)
spirit. If the family decides that to help the child
struggling with food there will be no Oreos in the
house, the support is strong.
Give them an edge
12. Go for the organic.
Skip the Costco and Wal-Mart specials. Kids who
are overweight are sensitive to stuff other kids
are not. Organic foods will have fewer additives,
fewer hormones (designed to help cattle and chicken
GAIN weight), fewer genetically modified foods to
be allergic too, fewer chemicals to create immune
responses to. Organic produce tastes better too,
and it might be less of struggle to get a child
to snack on cherry tomatoes that melt in your mouth
than on tomatoes that taste like cardboard.
13. Grow other kid strengths. If they are great
at spelling, encourage them to compete in the spelling
bee. If they are musically inclined, find them places
to sing, play. If computers or video games are their
thing, help them get very good at these skills,
so they will have confidence from these other perspectives.
14. Be empathetic about their looks. Appreciate
that a plea from an overweight child to "blend in"
or "fit in" is more charged than a plea from a child
who is more mainstream looking. Help them choose
clothes that are flattering and really fit them
well. Make sure that they have clothes they can
move in which are not uncomfortable. (I knew one
teen who hated to walk until she got some shorts
and slacks that did not chafe, for example. Then
she walked everywhere, because the pants were not
rubbing a hole in her thigh!) Make sure they find
clothes which are age appropriate, and have enough
style that they are not the butt of more bullying
because of their clothes. This will cost more than
you would prefer, since most larger sizes cost extra,
and alterations are always on top. Know a good place
to get stuff altered too, so if you have to buy
a larger size to accommodate a larger tummy the
rest of the garment is not so big there is room
for Aunt Matilda in there too. Here is where you
can REALLY help your child fit it. By buying slightly
better quality, fabrics that do not show fat bulges
for example, or a garment that is made really well
and hangs great, will make your child look smaller
than they are. Good undergarments count too, especially
for girls. Find a way to make them feel special
with accessories for example, or shoes.
15. Back to basics, they are not alone. Let them
know that they are beautiful inside. Appreciate
all the unique and special things that they are.
Give messages of beauty often. Compliment best features,
extra efforts, exercise and food victories. Take
them to movies like Shrek, Harry Potter and others
where there are heroes who are not all stick thin.
Show them art depicting ancient cultures when thin
was not so in. (Botticelli, Rubens, African tribes
for example). Give them unconditional love and acceptance
regardless of their success or failure in any of
these areas.
16. Be spiritual.
